Personal development writer, Steve Pavlina, wrote an article about his experiences with giving up television. When I read it today it reminded me of my own experience of giving up television and some other ‘media vacations.’

I gave up television for far less noble reasons than Steve. I gave it up because I’m cheap!

When my wife and I were still dating, I began to prepare myself for marriage. One thing I felt I needed to do was get my finances in better order. Before we had begun dating, I watched TV whenever I was home. I’d pop it on in the morning while I got ready for work and I’d pop it on when I got home just to have a little noise around the apartment. Living in Manhattan, I had zero reception for TV stations without cable (except for a couple of Spanish channels), so I was spending about $30/month for my television cable service.

After I started courting my wife, I found myself home less often. And when I started looking for ways to save some money, the cable bill was easy to get rid of.

One immediate thing I noticed about giving up the television was that I became more active. When the television was on, I sat and watched it. I didn’t multitask. At the time, my television was next to my computer desk, so I could watch while I worked on the computer - but I didn’t do much work once the TV was on. I became much more productive around the house.

Another thing I became aware of was how much news programming I watched and how it was influencing my perceptions of the world and my daily life.

I’m a New Yorker and my first awareness of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center was on my television. I was getting ready for work and had turned on the Fox Morning show (their news ticker included information about alternate side parking regulations - New Yorkers know what that’s all about). When I got out of the shower there was a close-up image of a burning building with no sound. I continued to get dressed while listening to the news team discuss what was unfolding when one of the team said that another plane had his the second tower and this was no accident. The rest of my day was spent watching the story unfold over that box (I lived on the opposite end of Manhattan and couldn’t see the towers - just the helicopters hovering over the river to capture the news footage.)

In the wake of 9-11 I had become a news junkie. I tuned into the TV and surfed the news online all the time. I was trying to feel more in control by being well informed, but found that my days were actually being consumed with worry over events that I couldn’t control and that, ultimately, had little effect on my daily existence. Losing the constant television coverage broke this pattern.

The real irony of 9-11 for me was that, if I hadn’t known about the events unfolding 10 miles south of me, I could have enjoyed a truly beautiful day in the park - there was not anything I could do to help. All I could do, at the time, was worry.

Later, with the encouragement of my wife, I took up the Roman Catholic tradition of giving something up during the church season of lent. I chose to give up non-work related web surfing. This coupled with the limited exposure to television has profoundly altered my awareness of how news media shapes my world view.

I don’t advocate being ignorant of the world, but realize that the currency of the news industry is fear. There is more than enough aweful stuff in this world to feed the news system - has been as long as I remember. When I was a kid it was the impending ice age, gas shortages, and nuclear holocaust. Today it is global warming, terrorists, and rising fuel rates. My ability to influence these world events is small and my capacity to process all of the horrors is finite.

What I learned is that I have to place boundaries on how much information I let in. I have to select the level of exposure I can manage to keep myself informed, but not become overwhelmed. I have to intentionally connect myself to ‘news’ that is focused on positive events. And, most importantly, I have to stay strongly connected with the people and community immediately around me. There I can make a difference, and there I experience the positive things as well.

Like Steve Pavlina, I found that turning off the TV (and computer) removed my focus from things that were distant and helped me better connect to the people and life that was all around me.

An to think, I was just trying to save $30/month!

The Go-To Guy

Like me, you may have first seen Farrah Gray being interviewed on the television show 20/20 last week. He is an ambitious, determined, and successful young businessman (he’s just 21 years old!) I found his story and personality inspiring, and within minutes of the broadcast I had logged onto Amazon.com and ordered his book “Reallionaire.”

The book arrived Friday and I’m already half way through it. It is an inspiring tale of his determination and efforts to become a successful entrepreneur. The story is structured around the 9 steps he believes are essential for becoming a success:

1. Understand the Power of a Name
2. Never Fear Rejection
3. Build an All-Star Mentoring Team
4. Seize Every Opportunity
5. Go with the Flow… But Know Where You Want to Go
6. Be Emotionally Prepared to handle Failure
7. Dedicate Your Time to What You Know
8. Love Your Customer
9. Never Underestimate the Power of a Network

Each chapter ends with a simple set of exercises designed to help you focus your own life and work around these principles.

I’ve found Farrah’s story inspiring and challenging. When I read about how he cold-called hotels, cab companies, and shuttle bus services to find people who would help him start his young business people’s group, I realized how much I let my own fears of rejection stop me. I can’t imagine myself, at that age, being that bold. It can be tough now. But, that is why he is a success.

Buy this book! It will inspire you, and the profits couldn’t go to a nicer guy. I look forward to meeting Farrah someday.

The Go-To Guy

My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that ‘achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that’s nice, too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success.’

Helen Hayes
US actress (1900 - 1993)

I was introduced to this quote today on the occasion of a friend’s 50th birthday. One of her treats for the day was to go on a scavenger hunt to visit people who represented the ’sages’ of each decade in her life. In response to correctly answering a question, she was rewarded with a relevant quotation and a clue to the next person to visit. The ‘Sage of Achievement’ (representing her 40’s) provided the quote above.

Being in my late 30’s and often intensely engaged in the game of achievement, this is a great reminder. As I reflect on the statement, I recognize the truth of it in my own experiences, but still feel a strong craving for the outside stamp of approval. But that is a foolish goal to chase.

Praise and recognition from others is outside of your control. You cannot force someone to like or appreciate you and some people are psychologically incapable of healthy relationships at all. If you are constantly chasing external validation you often end up chasing ghosts.

It is within your own control to give your best effort at something. You can take action to improve if you fall short of your goals. Best of all, you are the ultimate judge of whether you gave your best effort.

At first glance it might seem like you’d be able to cheat and just pat yourself on the back no matter what, but reality suggests that we are our own harshest critics. It is true for me.

What great little quote. I hope you like it as much as I do.

The Go-To Guy

Listen to an Audio Version of this Article

While reading an article on the LifeHacker website about Asking Good Questions, the author quoted a Wikipedia article about the folk story Stone Soup. The quote was a summary of the lessons to be taken from the story and it is a brilliant insight into motivating group participation.

If you want to get people to do something, don’t tell them how desperately they are needed. Don’t try to appeal to their sympathy and kindness. Instead, create the impression that you are giving them the opportunity to be part of your success.

I have seen a number of websites being promoted recently that want visitors to contribute content to them. Interactive collaboration is one of the exciting potential applications of new Internet technology. The problem is that, while most of these sites are trying to generate advertising revenue from the traffic generated by this new content, several high profile sites have no intention of sharing any of the revenue with the content creators. Some even claim complete ownership of materials posted to their sites.

Following the lead of the Stone Soup story, there is a much better chance of success if you invite people to share in your success rather than beg and cajole them into participating. Make sure there is something valuable in it for them, and then make sure they are aware of what you are offering them.

I am working on several projects right now that will benefit from this kind of thinking and I’m grateful for the reminder to focus on inviting others to share the success. My approach to promoting the projects and recruiting helpers will be different.

The Go-To Guy

P.S. My wife wrote a children’s musical based on this story, you’d think I would have already learned this lesson!

Success is a process of planting, tending and growing. It can be discouraging to plug away at tasks that do not show any immediate results. But, if you are patient and continue to cultivate the seeds you plant, they can produce some amazing fruits.

This topic comes up because I have a great example that just happened today which illustrates the point. I want to share it with you.

Pinned to the wall, just off to the right of my office computer monitor, is a resume. It was a resume I didn’t want and was resentful for getting. I was the one stuck responding to it. It is the resume of a person who I now count among my friends.

Back in 2002 I received an envelope from the vice president of my department. In the envelope was the resume and a note saying, “Call this guy. I got his resume from a board member.”

We weren’t hiring. I didn’t have any projects to hire the man for or even any recommendations of others for him to talk with. But this was a request I was not allowed to dismiss. So, after much delay, I called the man in question and arranged a meeting.

From the beginning I was clear that I had no work to offer, but he came anyway. As things turned out, we got along well and had similar ambitions and interests. By the time our meeting was over we were friends, and I began looking for opportunities to work with my new friend and to help him find work. He had hired a ‘free agent.’

Over the next year or two we kept in touch. I had a project that needed his skills, but had no budget - he volunteered two days of his time to help me. I kept his resume pinned to my wall for easy reference.

This past year I’ve had several occasions to recommend my friend for projects and also to hire him for one or two days worth of work. He’s becoming a regular backup person for me and, by extension, is becoming well known and liked by my colleagues. In addition to having his resume pinned to my wall I have his number on my cellphone and his email address in my address book.

Today, I was approached by a colleague who has employed my friend on a couple of occasions. She wants to hire him for a fulltime staff position.

It may have taken almost four years, but that two page resume did its job. The vice president who forwarded it to me doesn’t work here anymore. I can’t say whether the board member who gave it to him is still around. But, my friend may very well end up working in the same office with me.

That seed he planted has taken root and now seems ready to bear some fruit!

It’s not hard to imagine one’s life experiences flowing like a stream. People you meet, conversations you have, flashes of insight, emotions - these things and more wash steadily past. The essence of one’s life is dispersed in this river.

You cannot hold onto a river. Grasp at it and you get nothing more than an empty wet hand that will dry soon enough. But, no matter how clear the water appears, it carries with it artifacts of where it has been. Don’t believe me? Put a rock in the stream and wait.

The rock interrupts the flow. Water swirls around it leaving small pools of calmer water behind the rock. As the water slows, a magical thing happens. Those artifacts become too heavy for the current to carry and they settle to the bottom.

Put a rock in your life and the same thing happens. A house is like a rock in most people’s lives. You settle into one, and in 10 or 20 years, its nooks and crannies become filled with the artifacts of your life. Books, photographes, the car seat you bought for the child you just sent off to college. But rocks can do more than just collect your old stuff.

The Power Of Rocks

I have a wide range of interests. Often, a new momentary passion rises up while I’m exploring another. I also tend to keep coming back to old favorites, but with a new perspective.

The result of my particular pattern of curiosity is that I know a fair amount about a wide range of topics, but never seem to get enough momentum going in any one direction to make much out of it. It is a reality I decided to change.

How can a person like me get enough material together to write a book, create a business, or shoot a movie? My mind and body seem to race along from one thing to the next so quickly that good ideas and best intentions get swept away too soon.

One answer is to begin placing some rocks in my life - carefully placed obstacles designed to slow me down a little and let those good ideas have a chance to settle out of the stream.

Placing The First Stone

This website was created to be a rock. Every week it seems that someone comes to me for some kind of help or advice. It might be damaged drywall needing a repair or, like today, a friend who needed help writing up a quote for a video production project.

When you’ve worked as a house painter, media producer, hotel night auditor, home theater installer, automotive assembly line worker, website designer, director of photographer, carpet cleaner, furniture salesman, building superintendant, set designer, director, and more, the experience builds up. When you add in hobbies, a love of reading, and the random bits of other things that get picked up along the way, it’s no wonder people think I might know something helpful.

In January of 2006, I decided that I would write about my projects, hobbies, and the answers a gave people to the questions they asked. I installed blogging software on my server (another set of skills) and began writing. Now, instead of my advice fading into silence after the words are spoke, I slow down and let them settle onto this website.

So far I’ve written more than 56 posts. The majority are longer pieces, like this one. Printed out at the font sizes and page dimensions of a typical book, that amounts to more than 100 pages. That is a success by my accounting.

Adding More Rocks To My Stream

Just creating the blog site was not enough. I needed a few other rocks placed around me to ensure that I would generate the habits required to easily capture the bits of knowledge and experience I wanted to write about. I bought a small audio recorder to carry with me so I can dictate notes when I’m working on something worth writing about. I’ve also begun carrying notebooks and a camera.

Each one of these things causes tiny pieces of my experiences to settle into a growing mound of resources that I can use and share. It is exciting to see how people from all over the world have found my article on bookbinding. It is even more exciting that people are starting to ask me questions through my website. The very fact of this website’s existence is helping to inspire new articles and connect me to new people and opportunities.

Try putting a few rocks in your stream. Who knows, you may just have a book in you, or the idea for then next big business breakthrough. Whatever it is, you will find great satisfaction in being able to share it with other people.

The Go-To Guy

“Everywhere is not like here and everyone is not like these people. Whether that brings comfort or distress depends on where you are and who you are with.”

That thought occurred to me today and I liked the way it sounds, so I thought I would share it.

I’m not sure if it is original. I may have read it somewhere before. It has a lot of the same appeal as the blessing/curse, “May you live in interesting times.”

If you’ve heard it (or a variation of it) before, let me know where.

If it is, in fact, wholly original, please spell my name properly when quoting me - it’s Andrew Seltz!

The Go-To Guy

Personal  development guru, Steve Pavlina, has posted a really nice overview of the negotiating process on his software games website, www.Dexterity.com.

If you find yourself in the position of negotiating for a new job, raise, publishing contract, or anything else that is negotiable (and everything is negotiable), read this great article. Put yourself in the right frame of mind to get a fair deal!

The Go-To Guy

Imagine if there was an enormous engine that, when running, created opportunities for you. Mysteriously, you would find yourself meeting people who could help you acheive your goals. Resources would appear out of nowhere - money, supplies, office space, publicity. All the while, in the background, your engine would be chugging away making new opportunities - your Synchronicity Engine!

The dictionary calls synchronicity a coincidental occurance of events that appear to be meaningfully related but cannot be explained. I have another definition: synchronicity is the force that brings together the right people at the right time with the right resources to make things happen.

You decide to start lawncare business and suddenly find yourself being introduced to a person who is selling off their equipment at a huge discount or you start a non-profit theater company and meet a woman in line at the store who works for a foundation. Each event could be rationally explained, but you could not just make the connections happen. You have to start your Synchronicity Engine first, then the opportunities come.

So, how do you get one of these Synchronicity Engines and how do you make it run?

The good news is that you already have one. Everyone does. The bad news is that most people never start the engine or they let it run out of fuel before accomplishing anything.

So, let’s look at how you can start your Synchronicity Engine and keep it running.

Decision Starts the Engine

When you make a true decision, you select a course of action. You cut yourself off from all other options and begin moving. When others see you taking action you are transformed in their eyes into a business they can work with, an organization they can support, or a candidate they can vote for. You stop being potential energy and become kinetic.

Several years ago I took a movie producing course led by Dov Simens. He started the seminar by saying that there is no certification course that makes you a producer. There is no governing body that awards you a certificate that makes it official. According to Dov, what makes you a producer is you start telling people you are a producer and then start producing something. You have to quit saying that you’d like to be a producer some day and decide to be one now.

Whatever it is that you decide to do, just know that deciding is crucial. It transforms you in other people’s eyes from being a dreamer to a person who makes things happen. This is inspiring. It draws people to what you are doing and gives them the confidence to refer you to a friend or send business resources your way. Hope and promise are powerful motivators.

However, no one wants to give resources to someone who will waste them or commit their time to a project that never gets completed. That leads us to the fuel that keeps the Synchronicity Engine going.

Action Fuels the Engine

The surest way to shut down your engine is to be static. You must continue taking actions that support your decision. Each accomplishment becomes another outward sign that something significant is happening and reinforces the growing confidence others have in your decision - your Synchronicity Engine gets more fuel.

Another benefit that comes from taking action is that it works like advertisement. As you go about your business, people will see what you are doing. They may wonder why you are doing something and ask, or they may offer to help.

Recently I worked on a theater project sponsored by my church. I was serving as the set designer and technical director for the show. Because my work involved construction, the lead carpenter and I were often working during the day with the front doors of the church left open. It was unusual for the doors of the church to be open during the whole day, so people began poking their heads in to see what was going on. When they saw all the construction work, they naturally asked about our project.

One afternoon, a sculptor from the neighborhood stopped in and began talking with the pastor. Soon they were discussing the possibility of a future arts project involving this artist’s work on display in the church. Now, I’m looking forward to the challenge of trying to mount huge hanging sculptures from the 50′ high ceilings of the church.

Our actions in support of our decision to produce a play made us more visible to the community. Soon opportunities began to appear - the Synchronicity Engine was humming away.

What Are You Waiting For?

Start up your Synchronicity Engine today. Make a decision and start taking action to support it. Before you know it you’ll be flooded with new opportunities you’d never even dreamed of.

The Go-To Guy

I’ve known for a long time now that I was different than most people. As a kid, I read the encylopedia for fun. I studied about everything, sports, science, mechanics, art, and later computers. I’ve learned to create web pages, market products, produce films and videos, remodel homes, build theater sets, write, hold efficient corporate meetings, play guitar, animate, and record and edit sound. I know why the sky is blue, how the doppler effect works, why hand addressed junkmail is more likely to be opened, why overcast days look so dull, and the most effective way to evict a tenant or fire an employee. I could go on, but I’m sure you get my point - I have a wide range of interests and knowledge.

Up until this past Tuesday, I didn’t know there was a name for people like me. I didn’t know that I’m genetically wired-up up in such a way that I couldn’t quit being interested in new things if I tried.

Fortunately, I married a very insightful woman who loves how I get excited and passionate about new things. She wanted to help me better understand myself so I can work with my natural inclinations rather than against them. She bought me the best present I could have ever hoped for.

I Refuse to Choose!

When I came home from work on Tuesday, a book was waiting on the chair in my office: Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Scher. As I read through the notes on the cover, and then the first few pages, I felt a rush of adrenaline as I identified with example after example of what the author calls the ‘Scanner’ personality. This woman was describing exactly how my mind works and why it’s so often out of sync with the rest of the world. She even described the Scanner type as a “Go-To” person - very ironic!

Do You Have a Go-To Mind?

Are you a scanner? Do you find yourself endlessly curious about new things? Do you start project after project in a rush of enthusiasm, but usually lose interest before you finish? Does the thought of choosing one career or focussing on one hobby freak you out and get you worried that you’ll pick the wrong thing and miss out on something good? Do you find the world so full of wonderful options that you just don’t know where to start?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions you might be a Scanner. If you’re like me, you said yes to them all and thought up a bunch of new ones. You could be the type of person who, at various times, has been called a renaissance man/woman, a well-rounded-person, a generalist, or a “Go-To Guy!”

The Scanner (Go-To) mind is wired differently than people who specialize easily. Scanners can’t specialize, it goes against their basic programming. Fighting it is like trying to force a left handed person to write with their right hand - no good will come of it.

I’ve been coming to understand some of these things about myself already. Lately I’ve been looking for strategies to work with these natural tendancies. But, deep in the back of my mind, I’ve always felt like a failure having to “work around” my weaknesses. Refuse to Choose! has brought into focus and named what I’ve been feeling for years. It has encouraged me not to see my Scanner traits as failures and it has provided a framework for understanding how these traits play out in many aspects of my life. With this understanding I can build new habits and strategies to improve my qualities of life and work.

So, What’s A Go-To Mind to Do?

If you are a Go-To person, or like my wife, you are married to one - GET THIS BOOK! I got so excited when I started reading that I decided to start a website devoted my explorations of this subject (a VERY Go-To Guy thing to do!) The site, www.Spheres-of-Interest.com, will go live in a month or so. Sign-up for the mailing list and I’ll send you an email when I get everything up and running.

Do you have a Go-To Mind? Drop me a note and let me know what you do to make the most of your passions and interests.

The Go-To Guy!